It seemed like only yesterday, I was locking myself into the bathroom, attempting to steal a few moments of privacy from my three precious children. Not that I could stay behind closed doors for long. My oldest was five, the next was three and then there was the baby. I could tell the two oldest were pressed against the door, faces smashed with chubby fingers reaching underneath, voices questioning, “Mommy? Are you done going potty? ”
“Mommy will be right there, I’m still going, okay?” I lied. I was actually just trying to hide with a few Oreo cookies.
“Mommy loves you. Now go play…” I was tempted to complete the sentence with, “very far away from me.” but that was only my sleep deprived self not thinking clearly. I realized I had issues when I answered the phone in baby talk.
Then suddenly, 10 years flew by and now I find myself longing for the days when my kids wanted to be around me. My oldest son used to want to marry me. My daughter loved it when we wore matching outfits. But as of recent, she told me to stop “liking” and commenting on her Instagram posts. “It’s so embarrassing.” Yesterday, my youngest thought my freshly cut bangs looked weird. Such is life raising tweens and teens. Which is why I recommend me and my husband’s latest adventure: kidnapping.
That’s right. Just as our oldest turned 15; the age before driving, employment, and dating. Before his friends have more influence on him than we do, Nathan and I decided to take our son by surprise, and steal him away for a few days.
It was Carson’s last day of school for the year and he went to class as usual. He had an extra spring in his step, knowing summer vacation began when the clock struck 2:45 PM. He was going to hang out with a friend later that day. Little did he realize, his parents had other plans.
Nathan and I wanted to do something special for Carson’s birthday- elaborate even. Not that he deserved it. In fact it had been a year of growing pains as our son tested his boundaries and our parental authority. But it was our desire to spend quality time with him in an effort to connect and reach him in a meaningful and memorable way. We thought about what his passion was: fishing. So we took the plunge, setting aside the funds, finding a super deal on a weekend vacation package to Florida, including plans to go saltwater fishing- keeping it one big secret.
However, this wasn’t just about fishing and fun. Nathan and I also had ulterior motives for important discussions with our son minus distractions. We envisioned an entire weekend with just our son, having meaningful conversations on the plane, during meal times, while fishing, on the beach, and in the car. These talks were strategic. Each day Nathan and I prayed and planned what we wanted to impress upon our son; like Godly character qualities and attitudes. The idea that it was two against one was intentional too. He was trapped!
For the first day, our focus was “trust and love”. And as we surprised Carson, asking him to leave school early and come with us to a destination unknown, it drove home our point, “Do you trust us?” At first, he wasn’t so sure! Our first born liked having a plan and knowing what to expect. “Where are we going? What are you guys doing? Why won’t you tell me anything?” We figured he would have trouble with this part so we just kept reminding him, “Bud, what do you know about your parents? Do we always have your best interest in mind? Can you trust us? Remember, in life, plans can change but God is always in control. He loves you. Today, your plans are changing, but your parents are in control and have your best interest in mind. It’s going to be okay… We love you. Trust us.” In spite of our words, he was miserable for most of the 45 minute drive.
A few miles from the airport we finally let him in on our big surprise. Nathan presented him with a boarding pass and I announced that we were taking him on a saltwater fishing trip to Florida! He found the suitcases hidden in the back of the car. Carson’s countenance quickly changed from stressed and uneasy to relieved and excited. A dimple on his left cheek appeared, proving a genuine smile. “Are you serious? That is so awesome! Yes!” And from that point on, things were really fun- for all of us!
Saturday, we woke up bright and early in the hotel in sunny Florida. Our itinerary included a guided saltwater fishing experience for shark and snook. It was a great day and we all had a chance to reel in some nice fish. Afterward, as we made our way back to the boat launch, feeling satisfied and sun drained, I studied my son. He was no longer a boy but a man-child. After all, he weighed nearly 50 pounds more than I did and was several inches taller. He wore size 13 shoe and had facial hair. He caught me watching him and then surprised me by reaching over to hold my hand. For me, that simple gesture made the trip totally worth it.
Later, over delicious seafood platters, Nathan and I initiated the next character focus, talking to our son about the importance of having wisdom and integrity. He listened as we took turns sharing experiences from our own lives and how staying close to The Lord has kept us on the right path. We were able to spend quality time, uninterrupted by people, Wi-Fi or work.
Sunday, we took Carson to Sanibel Island for a relaxing day of fishing from the beach and pier. He persevered for hours and managed to catch about a dozen fish including sail cat, whiting, and mangrove snapper.
On our last full day of the trip, Carson’s birthday, we talked about his future and what he envisioned for it. We shared our hopes and dreams for him too. And then our conversation moved towards relationships and dating. We even joked about how he used to want to marry me. I’m so glad we jumped at the chance and stole our son away for a few days.
When I was raising babies, more experienced moms told me all of the time, “Enjoy these years, they go by quickly.” I usually smiled, but on the inside, I thought, “How can that be true when my days seem so long and endless? Please stop telling me this and just babysit my kids so I can take a nap or go to Target alone.”
Now that I’m a more experienced mom myself, I get it; the clock is ticking at hyper speed. And when I think about my oldest, I'm startled to realize I only have 3 more years until he graduates. How did that happen?
If you still have kiddos at home, I highly recommend savoring them, one-on-one if you’re able. You don’t need to get extravagant like we did for Carson. Here are some ideas to create meaningful experiences and conversations with your son or daughter while they're still young and teachable:
1. On a clear evening, go for a hike with flashlights and a blanket. Find a spot to lie on the grass and stargaze. Don’t forget the bug spray!
2. Surprise your son/daughter after school by having overnight bags packed. Head to a hotel for the night. Swim, relax in a hot tub and play card games.
3. Send your teen on a short scavenger hunt which leads them to a DQ gift card. Take them out for a treat and share fun memories when you were a teenager.
4. Purposely take your teen for a scenic drive to a park with no Wi-Fi. Have the car packed with their favorite snacks and drinks. Bring or print off some “Would you Rather” cards if you need some creative conversation starters.
5. Do a service project or go on a mission trip together. Feed My Starving Children is a worthy and convenient option. https://www.fmsc.org
In the end, I believe what matters most is the words we say, our actions, and the time spent with one another. I hope to make it count.