Lately, I’ve been flip-flopping between overwhelming gratitude, and consuming worry. I know I’m the person always telling you to “choose joy!”, but some days, I’d rather choose Netflix than face the day. Parenting teenagers is hard! Making ends meet when you have unexpected medical bills and your truck breaks down for the 7th time is hard!
I know God says “Do not be anxious about anything”, but lately, I feel anxious about everything. I know God says “Do not worry about tomorrow...”, but I’m worrying about tomorrow, and the next day and next week and next month and next year.
And then I received one of those phone calls that, as a parent, stops you in your tracks…
“Carson’s been in an accident. He smashed his truck up pretty good.”
He likes to take a winding county road on the way to school so he can scope out deer, ducks and geese. It had just snowed that morning and his truck slipped as it was going down a steep hill. His stick shift Nissan pick-up lost control and as the road curved to the left, the truck kept going straight into a huge pile of boulders and trees. The truck hit and Carson’s head smacked the steering wheel hard. Carson lost consciousness. That’s all he remembers until a driver of a snow plow woke him up.
I received a phone call from Nathan telling me that Carson was in an accident. (Carson had been aware enough to call his dad soon after.) I quickly made it to the scene in about 6 minutes. I found my son wandering around the road clutching his forehead. He was speaking in fragmented sentences. I tried to get a story from him and realized he was more injured than what his dad had thought. I told him to sit in my car, I made an assessment of his truck, took a few pictures, called 911 and then drove him to the hospital.
Long story short, Carson has a concussion and will follow protocol for recovery. He won’t be able to do his regular CF airway clearance therapy as it is too rigorous for his brain. The good news is that there are no skull fractures or internal bleeding. The bad news is that his truck is finished. Which is really hard because just a few days ago, Nathan’s truck died and our plan of action, to rely on Carson’s truck for a while until we could pay off some medical bills and save, was now dead too.
But last night, after an incredibly scary and stressful day, I decided to make a large pot of Carson’s favorite meal: white chicken chili. He had been feeling nauseous and sleepy so I wasn’t even sure if he’d want to eat, but I put the effort in anyway.
Nathan stoked the fire in our wood burning stove and that evening, we all snuggled on the couch with cozy blankets hugging our piping hot bowls of chili. It felt so good being together. My son was alive. We were all safe, warm, and fed. I wanted to savor that moment like I savored that comforting, satisfying soup.
It is a reminder that God is like that. He is our comfort. HE is all we need. He is our provider and faithful. We must put our trust in Him.
Philippians 4:6 ESV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.