I’m not exaggerating when I say that the amount of difficult circumstances we’ve gone through over the last 8 weeks is more than some people experience in a lifetime. We felt despair, fear, and loss on a regular basis as one terrible thing after another struck our family.
“If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”
Over the course of that period, our family heard that phrase dozens of times from well-intended friends and extended family members.
But to be completely honest, I felt like I was drowning. And the thought of having to ask someone for help seemed too hard and humbling. I rarely reached out. I didn’t want to be a bother. And did they actually mean it? Or were they just being polite?
When someone is in crisis, it’s important to remember they are probably lacking courage and strength to ask for help. But they most definitely need it. I thank God for friends and family in my life who took initiative and time to DO something, without being asked.
For example:
*We were sent gift cards to fast food restaurants near the hospital our son was a patient at. People knew that meals on-the-go would be handy.
*After spending several days in the hospital, I came home to find that someone had folded a ginormous pile of clean laundry, (I’m embarrassed to say how big it was.) The clothes were distributed in everyone’s room! What a gift.
*There was the evening we came home after Nathan’s father unexpectedly died. We were shocked, exhausted, and in deep grief. As we stumbled through our door in an emotional fog, I quickly realized that my home had been cleaned from top to bottom. Even the inside of my fridge had been cleaned. THAT is LOVE people! And it was another weight lifted off my shoulders.
*A kind soul organized a meal train which served us and an additional 20 family members from across the country who descended upon our home to mourn the loss of our dad. Thanks to organization and generosity from our community, we were fed breakfast, lunch, and dinner for an entire week, and could focus on planning a funeral, and honoring our patriarch. (https://takethemameal.com/ is a great resource for setting up a meal train.)
*Besides meals, people brought practical things like paper towels, plates, toilet paper, water bottles, even laundry detergent. I never would have thought to ask for such things, but they certainly became essential with the crowds of people we hosted for days and days.
*Someone generously paid for a month long tab at our favorite coffee shop. How nice to stop in for a hot beverage on the way to the hospital, doctor appointments, or when we transitioned back to work and school.
*My friend came over after she had finished a long shift at work and helped me shop-vac leaking water in our basement. While it was humbling, it also reminded me what a true friend is; someone who does life with you even in the damp and smelly circumstances.
*Several extended family members pooled funds together to keep our wood burning stove fully stocked with fuel for a month. This became a huge blessing because our furnace failed several times in the midst of hospitalizations and a cold weather-snap. We relied on wood for a while. God provided.
*And one extremely thoughtful person even whisked me away for a haircut and a manicure. (Self-care was last on my list of priorities.)
The tangible kindness and acts of service were like a life preserver when I felt overwhelmed with sorrow and worry and a long list of things to do. Friends and extended family members didn’t wait for us to ask for help- they just stepped in and did it.
YES! Praying and kind words are extremely meaningful and important. ( I treasured the cards and text messages filled with scriptures and prayers.) But so is ordering pizza, washing dishes, and sending a gas card.
If someone you know is going through a difficult time, don’t wait for them to ask for help. Certainly, offer up a prayer or thoughtful word. But also take it a step further. Go out and purchase the softest, coziest blanket you can find and bring it to them in person. Trust me, she’ll wrap herself in it like a hug from heaven. Mow their lawn or snow blow their driveway. Offer to watch their kids for a couple of hours.
Remember, when you serve others, this not only blesses them, but it pleases God. And you’ll get a warm fuzzy too. I promise.
Hebrews 6:10
God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.