Here I am once again: sitting in a hospital recovery room, waiting for my son- my baby to wake up. I’ve done this more times than I can count and for various reasons. But the question of “why” crosses my mind a little earlier each time. “Why him? Why does one so young have to go through so much pain and struggle just to live a normal life. Why is God allowing this?”
I know I’m not the first mother to watch her child suffer. Millions of mothers before me have gone through it. And I imagine that most, if not all would trade places with their kids in a heartbeat. I wish I could.
I feel so helpless when my child isn’t well. I want to take it away from him- do anything to make him better. I want to shelter him from the pain and fear. And yet these things happen anyway and I can’t stop them. I can only be with him as he goes through them- pray for him and remind him that he is not alone.
I wonder how Mary felt when she watched her son Jesus suffer. And die. Did she know? I mean truly know that it was for the best? How did her mama-heart let him go through with it? Did she ever think, “Who cares about the rest of the world?” After all, this was her son! Her baby, whom she nurtured, rocked to sleep, taught to walk, cleaned his scraped knees, dried his tears, washed his clothes, and kissed his cheek. He didn’t deserve this!
But she somehow trusted and remained obedient to her God knowing that all things work for the good of those who love Him. And she made the right choice, for which I am grateful.
And so must I make the right choice. To not be angry. To trust. All creatures suffer in some way- there’s no getting around it. True, some suffer more than others. But it is suffering that teaches and shapes us into something potentially better. The lesson of the butterfly is well known but still, if you’ve ever seen one struggle to break free from its cocoon, the temptation to help free it is there. Of course, if we interfere, it only hinders the butterfly and prohibits it from living life to the fullest, perhaps even causing its demise.
So as I sit and stroke my son’s hand while he lies in his hospital bed I am comforted that his struggles are not in vain. Instead he can gain strength from them as they enhance his character and instill in him determination, gratitude, patience and empathy. Those are lessons, as his mother, I could never fully explain.
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Romans 5:3-4 “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”