One summer, our family had the unique experience of welcoming a film crew into our home to document our entire day for the purpose of creating a promotional video for an organization called Hopekids. It was fun but nerve-wracking to say the least as we prepared. I spent hours making my home look pristine, decorating and rearranging the kids’ bedrooms, kitchen, living room and bathroom to reflect what the producers wanted to portray: The perfect family. At least that’s what I assumed.
One of the scenes they set up was a breakfast sequence- which was ironic because rarely does our family sit down and eat a morning meal together- unless it’s Christmas. But I played the part of happy homemaker, actually cooking a hot breakfast. We laughed and smiled our way through it trying not to look at the camera while four strange men stood around critiquing and filming. For another shot, the crew wanted us clumped together in the front yard- dog included, sort of hugging but not and smiling of course; a perfectly natural thing for us to do at 9:30 am on a Wednesday. They needed us to hold this pose for nearly 20 minutes in order to get the exact image. With the hot morning sun beating down, tension set in. My oldest started to pull his sister’s hair and she responded on cue with a high pitched, “stop it!” The dog kept wisely wanting to move to the shade and the youngest began making fart noises. I spoke with ventriloquist talent while secretly pinching their butts, “Behave or I’m going to rip your lips off later.” Thankfully the boom-mic wasn’t directly overhead. And through the eye of the camera it may have appeared we were the perfect family. If only the film crew had been in our home just 24 hours later. They would have gotten some REAL drama.
The next day I had just prepared lunch and the spread was on the counter in buffet form. I told the kids to grab themselves a plate and dish up while I went upstairs to get ready for a pool party we had plans to attend in less than an hour. That’s when I overheard the disgruntled back and forth of words between two of my children, the tussle on the floor, the loud scream and then, “Mom!” I sighed deeply. “What now?”
I came downstairs to a “she made me do it” confession from my youngest. Meanwhile my daughter was in the beginning stage of serious crying where no sound comes out. It took me back to her toddler years when she'd get hurt and hold her breath…. I would just wait for that initial scream to make its way out. “Here it comes, here it comes…” But this time, the only thing that came from her was blood. It gushed really- like a faucet. I'm pretty sure it was a gallon. Apparently my youngest had punched her square in the nose after she was “being the crabbiest person in our entire family!” Even my teenage son was impressed saying, “Wow buddy that was quite a knock!”
I took over the situation, surprisingly calm and collected considering how absolutely disappointed I was in them both. This called for deep and drastic discipline. A cancellation of the pool party we were supposed to attend was quickly made followed by a sentence to jail, (A/K/A: their room with bread and water) and a task of copying Bible verses containing the golden rule. An apology and a one page essay about loving your family was also due at the end of the day.
Once the punishments were dished out I just sat down on the couch and felt like crying. I know we’re not the perfect family. But I have tried hard to shape and train my kids to make good choices and treat each other well. So why is it that I need to repeat the same things over and over again?
“Have self-control. Say ‘please’. Don’t say ‘sucks’. Share with your brother. Don’t mock your sister. Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Why don’t they get it? Where did I go wrong? Sometimes I feel like such a failure as a Mom.
And then it dawned on me that I was just as guilty as they were of messing up. Granted I'm not going around giving people bloody noses but I am certainly responsible for making plenty of mistakes on a daily basis. I'm constantly dueling it out with sins of pride, jealousy, and selfishness. And my tongue can get me into a load of trouble if I'm not careful. I'm simply a sinner saved by grace. If my kids are looking to me for the perfect example of how to act, then of course they're going to be screwed up! Forget college- I need to invest in my kids’ counseling funds.
There is no such thing as the perfect parent or kid. But thankfully we have someone in our life who IS a perfect example and that is Jesus Christ. And when we mess up daily, He offers us the redemption and grace to start clean. I’m so thankful for that because I would be a wreck without it! Ephesians 2:8 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”