Every birthday cake was made by her.
I was in a meeting when I received a text message that made my heart sink. “Your grandma is really sick and is going downhill fast... We’re going to pursue hospice.” Grandparents are special people and I've been fortunate to have a strong presence of them in my life.
My Mom had me when she was a teenager and her parents lovingly stepped up and invested much time in me. In many ways, I looked to my grandma for security, recognition, and affection. And she gave it in buckets! She was my hero and I wanted to be like her. She raised 6 children, was a nurse, a talented seamstress, wonderful cook and one of the most gracious and hardworking people I know.
Unfortunately, I don’t possess the qualities to make me a professional nurse, a seamstress, or a mother of 6. But I hope and pray that my grace and hard work resemble her.
When I read the message about my grandma’s declining health, I knew it was serious. She’d been sick before but the reality that her life was nearing the end hit me as truth. I needed to go see her.
Soon I was on my way to the hospital. Mentally, I prepared myself for the worst. My biggest fear was that she would be too far gone to recognize me, communicate or even understand. Among her many ailments, Alzheimer's disease was one of them.
My grandma was a nurse for over 30 years.
I still had things to say to her. Not that she didn’t know my love or feel it. Proof was in the cards, letters and artwork I had given her over the years. We found several of them still among her belongings, long after they had been written. But I can’t say that I’d ever looked her in the eyes and voiced exactly what she meant to me. As I walked down the hall toward her hospital room I decided that I was going to do just that. If not for her benefit, then for mine.
As I entered the room, it took my breath away to see her frail, tiny body in what appeared to be a gigantic hospital bed. But we made eye contact and her face lit up with recognition. It was the most reassuring feeling, to know she remembered me. I immediately went to her side and grabbed her hand. I kissed her soft cheek and relished her through my tears. Even though she weighed not much more than 75 pounds, she was still my protective, strong, and hardworking Grandma and I was a small child again in her arms. We were given some time alone and I took the opportunity to make the most of it. She couldn’t talk but I could. And so I just started rattling off all of the things I loved about her. Gushed, really. I told her I admired her and wanted to be like her. I told her thank you for many of the things she had made me: dresses, quilts, dolls, cakes, and more. My words and tears poured out and it felt good. The miracle of it was that she seemed to understand. She nodded, and sometimes looked away in humility as I praised her. She was too dehydrated to make tears but I could tell by her trembling chin that she was crying. It was a beautiful moment and gift that I will treasure forever.
Later as I drove home, my mind went from the past to the future and I began to think about what her funeral might be like. She loved lilacs and the color lavender.
I pictured lots of them around her. And then I realized something. Flower arrangements cost a lot. And people sure do spend a fortune when it comes to funerals. Sadly, the honoree doesn't even realize it. We say such nice things about them at their memorial services. But did the deceased ever receive those words of encouragement in life? They certainly should have. And it’s our job to tell them- while they are still here.
In my own family's life, with the receiving of two life-threatening diagnoses and surviving a tragic van crash, it has done a sort of shaking within me. Through these experiences I have learned that we MUST make the most of each day and live as if it could be our last. And that goes for others too. We just never know when someone's time is up.
So tell the ones you love how much they mean to you. Say thank you! If need be, apologize. Forgive. Bring them flowers when they least expect it. Who cares if it's not their birthday. Make that phone call or send a card. By doing these things, I promise, it will make your life richer, and someone else's too. Live with no regrets!