I was out of breath as the grueling battle raged on. My strength and will were being tested and I knew I was losing the fight. Sweat formed along my brow and I fought tears which regretfully gathered. Inhaling deeply, I gave one last valiant effort using the most cheerful and optimistic voice I could muster. “Come on baby, smile for the camera! I’ll give you whatever you want when we’re done; a sucker, a Happy Meal, a pony for crying out loud… Just smile for Mommy, please!”
Was it too much to ask? All I wanted was to create some nice Christmas cards along with a framed 8 x 10 portrait for our wall. And what did I get in return for all of the morning sickness, late night feedings, poop, and puke disasters? An eighteen-month-old boy who refused to cooperate while taking out an entire portrait studio in the process.
My vision was simply to have my blond haired, blue eyed boy, dressed in his Christmas best, displaying those chubby cheeks and adorable dimples while sitting on top of a rocking horse. Who could have predicted him rocking it so hard while "mooing" like a cow that he would tumble backward, knocking over the nearby lighting equipment which would then take out the backdrop screen. The Proex photographer may or may not have muttered something about needing to get paid more but I couldn’t quite catch her exact words. I was too busy wrangling my son back on his rocking horse.
As Nathan and I added more broods to our bunch, the photo sessions only became more complicated. Like the church photo directory sitting which took place just two weeks after I gave birth to our daughter. (FYI: A hormonal mother and family portraits are not a wise combination.) The tears were free flowing before, during and after. (The baby's and mine.) And in the finished product, you can clearly see Nathan holding our two-year-old son’s arms down; that was so he wouldn’t poke the baby’s eyes to make her stop crying.
As our kids have gotten older, some would think the sessions may have become easier. Not so. And although we can now produce a generally decent looking family portrait, it usually costs us something; as in cash. To stop the corruption of poking, hair pulling and intentional farting from our children, Nathan first uses his ventriloquist talents while remaining posed in front of the camera, "Kids, I'm going to rip your lips off if you don't smile." I personally just go straight to butt pinching, because I've already given them my speech beforehand: “Kids, this isn’t about you. It’s about ME. So pretend you like each other and smile or I’m not going to feed you for an entire week... And if you do a good job I'll give you each five dollars.”
All joking aside, here are three things I have learned after fourteen years of family portrait sessions with my family.
1. Laugh. After a very arduous and unsuccessful photo session with two of my children ages three and one, our photographer tried a last ditch effort by putting me in between my son and daughter to see if that would help matters. It didn’t. My daughter burst into tears, meanwhile my son began to belt out the words to “I’m in the Lord’s Army!” I sat in the middle, rolling my eyes praying for the rapture. The photographer snapped the picture anyway. Later, as I previewed the portraits, this was the one I chose to purchase. The photographer looked at me incredulously. “Are you sure you want THAT one?” I was quite sure. And I haven’t regretted it since. That portrait has brought more laughter and smiles than any of our family’s pictures combined! The moments you think are the worst can sometimes be the ones you want to remember and retell at every family gathering. Remember to laugh at yourself and your kids. Life is too short to take it so seriously.
2. Bribery Helps. Sometimes there are situations that require a flawless look. Last summer our family participated in the filming of a commercial and the producer wanted our kids to smile and "get along" for the scene. There was a ton of pressure and admittedly, I used bribery. I have also been known to use candy, ice cream and even money to entice my kids during pictures for important occasions like family weddings. Judge me if you wish but... it was necessary and it worked.
3. It Could Always be Worse..
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Wishing you a less stressful and more joy filled Christmas!